Rowena Tuziak
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Rowena Tuziak

Musings on the search for a muse in Paris

18/1/2016

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If you are looking for a writing distraction there is no finer place than Paris. Furnished with fresh information from my three week research trip in Asia, I travelled beyond the Silk Road to roads lined with French silk scarves, champagne and macarons for what was to be a dedicated, lockdown, finish-the-novel, write-a-thon. I settled into my Parisian apartment with its exposed timber beams, high ceilings, and most importantly a little desk just poised for my penmanship. I felt every bit the Parisian wordsmith. That was until the dim light (providing great ambiance) proved an extremely poor work space. Undeterred, I made it my mission to be inspired. I would seek out suitable faces and spaces in the nooks and crannies of St Germain, the undeniable beating heart of this literary city. 

Les Deux Magots and Café de Flore
I searched for my muse in Les Deux Magots and Café de Flore, rival cafes that were once frequented by Hemingway, Joyce, Picasso, Sartre, and de Beauvoir. As I covered myself in the croissant crumbs of my overpriced petit déjeuner, I awaited illumination from surrealists, existentialists, and ink slingers. Amid tourists and wealthy Parisians eating expensive omelettes, I did not find myself inspired by the ghosts of poets past.

Like a true French flâneur, I sauntered through Parisian streets contemplating human existence, before stopping for a spot of shopping. But it was in this that I found my first reliable writing space.

Shakespeare and Company
On the Left Bank of the Seine, Shakespeare and Company, a bookshop and literary institution for anglophones, welcomes writers and readers from around the world. Like the original Shakespeare and Company that was a favourite haunt of F. Scott Fitzgerald, Gertrude Stein, Hemingway, Joyce, and Pound, this iteration became a haven for Allen Ginsberg, William Burroughs, Henry Miller, Anaïs Nin and their contemporaries.
 
At Shakespeare & Co, tumbleweeds blow through their doors. These are writers, artists and intellectuals who are offered short term lodging in exchange for a couple of hours working in the shop, a one-page autobiography, and a promise to read a book a day. This open door approach to creatives and the 1951 store motto "be not inhospitable to strangers lest they be angels in disguise" meant I did not feel in the least concerned about losing myself to words in a pocket of the store. I scribbled away upstairs for two hours with a view of Notre Dame and the smell of old books.
 
Feeling creatively renewed by the experience, I returned in the evening for the Tea Party – a strange assortment of tourists, book buyers, a couple of tumbleweeds and the occasional poet, all joined together for two hours of poetry over tea and biscuits. I shared a poem of my own, purely for the novelty of reading my work in a place of such literary renown.

SpokenWord Paris
For the remainder of my time in Paris, my creative experience was delightfully dominated by events hosted by SpokenWord Paris, a community of writers sharing their work through open mic nights. I’d already had the very great pleasure of stumbling upon them on a previous Parisian sojourn.

Monday – Au Chat Noir
I ventured out of St Germain to Au Chat Noir for the flagship open mic night of SpokenWord Paris. But alas, it was the one Monday night of the year that the event was not scheduled. In that bustling beatnik bar with a large Kronenbourg in hand I found a small table by the window and bent back the pages of my notebook, ready to test the writing atmosphere of Au Chat Noir. Beside me a Frenchman and an Englishman swapped stories and edited translations of each other’s work. It was not long before the pen in my hand had given me away and I was pulled, willingly, into their conversation. They were poets of maturing years looking for an audience, and I was an audience without an event. The Englishman shared poems of love, sex, and disappointment (what else), and the Frenchman, dear Luc, shared his narrative inspired by the November Paris attacks, before pressing a copy of the prose into my hand as a keepsake.

Wednesday – Open Secret
Below ground at Le Bistrot des Artistes, 50 or so wordsmiths jammed into a hidden and humid room and performances of poetry, music, prose and personal disclosures began as part of Open Secret’s open mic night. This is the younger sister of SpokenWord Paris and is just as bursting with bohemians as its big sister. These crazy poets were to become my Parisian creative community for the next few days.

Thursday – New Year’s Eve
At Le Onze in the Latin Quarter, a small horde of Spoken Worders spilled in and filled an otherwise empty bar. From there the night was a blur of words, impromptu poetry, and ringing in the New Year by the Seine with the bells of Notre Dame.
 
Sunday - The Other Writers’ Group
On the eve of my return to reality (also known as Sydney) I headed back to Shakespeare & Co where writers from SpokenWord Paris get together to workshop their creative pieces at The Other Writers’ Group. Works were diverse, the standard was high, and the insights shared were valuable. It was then onward to the bar and a final night of talking, music and dance.

I’m not sure if I found my muse in Paris, but it certainly was amusing. I still have a whole lot of words to string together to turn this manuscript into a novel but I’m feeling rejuvenated and ready for the hard work that awaits.

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8 Comments

The writing comes first

10/11/2015

6 Comments

 
This is the post I didn’t want to write (which is why I delayed it for a week). This is the post where I tell you that for the last few weeks the writing didn’t come first. Instead 250,000 words belonging to someone else came first as I edited chaotic documents that had been translated from two languages before they came to me. A website, eDMs, meetings, and emails also came first. And when I wasn’t working for my business during the day, at night, and on weekends (over at my other persona, Rowena Writes Copy), I was doing my best to meet longstanding and long overdue social commitments which were of course completely pleasurable, but again meant that the writing didn’t come first.

When I was writing for business I felt guilty about not writing my novel, and when I tried to find time to work on my manuscript, I felt guilty about not doing the writing that pays my bills. Anxiety started to build as I worried that this would be the second time that I had been given a rare opportunity to do something that I really cared about and that it was at risk of slipping away from me because of other people’s deadlines.

Thankfully I have four fundamental elements to keep me focused...
  • A reliable manuscript plan (you will recall my post-it note poster for plot planning and general chaos sorting).
  • A publisher interested in reading my work.
  • An overseas research trip booked (less than one month away!).
But there is another, much more significant driver that is keeping me in check. Last week my research and my personal life intersected in an extremely powerful way. While I am still keeping the detail of my manuscript fairly close to my chest, those who know something of the subject matter of my novel may be able to guess at the nature of this intersection. It has added to my sense of urgency to get this story told.

This is the post I didn’t want to write. It is slapdash, jotted down between deadlines, and tells the woe is me story of having a moderately successful business. More meaningfully, it is the post I didn’t want to write because it references the experience of my friend and many others like her, whose stories I am so keen to share with the world.
I can’t think of a more important reason to remember why the writing should always come first.

 
Postscript: For some readers this post may not make a lot of sense right now. Don’t worry. It will.
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The magic continues

20/10/2015

2 Comments

 
It has been two weeks since I left the magic of Varuna. If you are reading this blog you are either one of my long suffering friends, or one of those acquaintances who delight in freudenschade, keen to see if my enthusiasm of a fortnight ago has waned.

Fortunately I am a stubborn bugger, and I enjoy proving nay-sayers wrong.

It has been a fabulous fortnight! Okay, the first week was a little so-so. Returning to reality, and the great lump of work that accompanied it, did not make for the week of creative productivity I would have liked. But most importantly, the magic remained.

I have fallen back into the world of my characters. I’m back in the frame of mind where the universe seems to be whispering to me about my novel. The names of my characters have popped up in unexpected places, snippets of conversations seem to be about themes I’m examining, I’m looking at my environment differently and it all seems to be pointing to my novel. It is that same feeling you get when you are in the throes of early love and you are high on dopamine and oxytocin. I’m in love with my manuscript again.

When I last felt this motivated about my creative writing I remember a friend commented on how boring my day to day conversation was becoming, because it constantly centred on what I had been writing. I used to start a conversation about something interesting that had happened the night before, then I would stop, realising that what I was about to describe didn’t actually happen to me or to someone I knew, but was really something that had taken place in the fictionalised world that I had created, and briefly those two worlds had collided in my head and I had forgotten which one I occupied. I’m aware this sounds completely crazy, but I think it is also a sign that the magic is working.

While I wasn’t committing much time to physically writing my novel in that first week, I was inhabiting that world. A couple of other magical things happened a few days after my return to reality. I made a commitment to a publisher that I will have my draft manuscript ready for reading in January. A deadline! Hoorah! A guaranteed, and important, reader! Double hoorah! I also booked an international flight that will send me back to the place that inspired my manuscript.
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As for the second week, although it was less monumental, it was significantly more productive. For now, at least for the moment, I am on track for my January deadline.
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Shhh... Quiet zone. Writers at work.

9/10/2015

7 Comments

 
My name is Rowena and I'm a writer.

Scary, scary thing to say. You aren't supposed to to say that. Unless you are J.K. Rowling. For the rest of us, saying that just feels scary and forbidden.

But there is something about the magic of Varuna that lets all those insecurities and hang ups melt away. For the last week I have been blessed with uninterrupted space to be a writer.

Nestled in Bear Room of Varuna Writers' House with my monastic single bed and large desk overlooking the splendour of the gardens, I have reached a state of creative euphoria. Something actually physiological has happened in which my whole body has felt completely overcome by the bliss and blessing of being part of the Varuna tradition. This feeling can only really be understood by the four fabulous women I have had the good fortune to share this creative experience with, and by the countless writers whose names fill the Varuna guest book. It is a legacy of over two decades, and actually a legacy of several generations if you include the extraordinary Dark family whose benevolence gifted this beautiful space to writers.

Enjoying evening meals prepared by Sheila the Magnificent, an absolute gem as integral to the Varuna experience as the place itself, we have enjoyed meals awash with wine and words. The shared experience of frustrations, creative blocks, a-ha moments, and little and large wins, makes for a support group like no other. It is such a luxury to have a collection of writers to chat to about their process, and my process, and not feel embarrassed about using words like "process" to describe what would otherwise be a very solitary experience.

Before coming to Varuna I had lost the momentum of my novel. While I was studying creative writing I had been on a roll. I had surprised myself with my results, and had attracted the attention of a literary agent and a publisher. Most importantly, I was part of a community of fellow writers to keep me believing that this alchemy of manuscript creation was possible. 

And then the momentum stopped. 

I reached that point where I was tired of people asking how the novel was going because, apart from a few paragraphs here and there, it had hardly moved for at least two years. Occasionally I would get fired up and write a few pages, and I had certainly used the time to do research and to finish the dissertation for my Masters, but the novel just hadn't moved. There were several reasons for this. Life got in the way of course... work deadlines, a broken heart, a dissertation to finish, moving house, all stressful but not unmanageable. The biggest block was: 1) Fear; and 2) I'd forgotten what I'd written.

The fear wasn't obvious to me, it just manifested as a reluctance to look at anything I had already written. I am emotionally invested in my story and I feel the weight of responsibility to do the subject matter justice. But the fear that prevented me from rereading also meant that there was a mental fog around what I had written and what I had imagined I had written.

I had idealistic plans to finish a very rough first draft at Varuna. I didn't. And I am so happy.

With uninterrupted, distraction-free reading time I spent days reading through my higgledy-piggledy manuscript, relearning what my novel was about. Most days I was completely overwhelmed by the majesty and magic of Varuna. Crab apple blossoms would float past my window, carried by the breeze, and the days were gloriously sunny. Then there was the ick moment. I was suddenly hit with complete and utter confusion. I'd written so much, some of which was completely contrary to other things I'd written, tenses and personal pronouns were confused, and some scenes I just didn't like at all but didn't have the cojones (polite way of saying balls) to delete. Then the magic of Varuna kicked in. Visited by the Varuna mentoring legend that is Peter Bishop, our little group of scribblers discussed the editing process and the importance of asking yourself: "Why did I write this?"

I went back to basics. I deleted things. I physically cut things up. I stuck things together. I reordered things. I did research. I made mind maps. And I created a beautiful collection of coloured post-it notes that outline the path I want my novel to take. I know which scenes I need to write now, I know which scenes need editing, I've given myself so much more work to do, and I am so happy with what I have achieved.

I'm not scared of my writing now. I'm not scared of calling myself a writer, either. I am a little scared that once I leave Varuna that I will leave the magic behind. Fortunately I have a garish poster of post-its to guide the rest of my creative journey.

I've learnt so much from my writing peers (Anne, Kate, Lucinda and Sally) who have shared this experience with me. As I leave Varuna for the real world, I will "resist re-entry" as Kate so eloquently phrased it, and try to bring Varuna with me, reminding myself, as Lucinda put it, that the writing comes first. 

I will be forever grateful for the Varuna experience.


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Writers at Work at Varuna House

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Varuna House

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Entry to Varuna House

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Varuna House

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Gorgeous Varuna gardens

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Thinking time in the garden

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My messy writing desk

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Looking wistfully at wisteria. Yes, I am wearing a furry hat. Because: 1) sometimes props help me get into the mind of the character. 2) it was cold.

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My magic post-it note poster for plot planning and general chaos sorting.
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